Introduction

In a disturbing incident from Hisar (2022) and more recently from Bareilly (March 2025), couples engaged in extra-marital relationships reportedly ended their lives, unable to cope with societal pressure and personal turmoil. These incidents reflect a growing tension between individual choices and traditional Indian family values. As UPSC aspirants studying family and kinship, social deviance, and gender roles, it becomes essential to sociologically examine such tragedies.

In the age of social media and increasing urban anonymity, extra-marital affairs are no longer uncommon. However, Indian society—largely driven by patriarchal norms and conservative moral codes—continues to stigmatize them. This duality between modern individualism and traditional collectivism often creates intense psychological and social pressure.

Recent Data and Observations

• According to NCRB (2023), over 25,000 suicides annually are related to family problems, domestic conflicts, or marital issues, many involving extramarital affairs and resulting social stigma.
• The Delhi High Court’s 2023 judgment emphasized the “devastating psychological impact” of infidelity, particularly on young women in arranged marriages, calling for mental health interventions in family disputes.
• A YouGov India survey (2024) indicated a growing trend of emotional dissatisfaction among urban couples, contributing to extra-marital emotional or physical affairs—yet 78% respondents still morally condemned such acts.

Sociological Analysis: 

1. Structural Functionalism: Stability vs Disruption

This approach perceives marriage as a crucial institution for maintaining social order and emotional regulation. Extramarital affairs disrupt this structure, leading to dysfunction:

Durkheim’s Typology of Suicide:

• Anomic Suicide: When traditional norms around fidelity weaken, especially in urbanized settings where role expectations are unclear.

• Fatalistic Suicide: When individuals, particularly women, feel trapped by societal expectations, unable to express their desires due to fear of stigma.

• Egoistic Suicide: In cases of emotional isolation and lack of social integration, especially among elderly or separated spouses.

Durkheim noted that the weakening of collective conscience, especially around marriage, leads to normlessness (anomie), resulting in increased psychological strain.

2. R.K. Merton’s Strain Theory: Deviance as a Response to Social Pressure

R.K. Merton’s Theory of Deviance offers a powerful lens to understand why individuals might engage in extra-marital relationships. According to Merton, deviance arises when there’s a disjunction between culturally approved goals and socially structured means of achieving them.

In the context of marriage:

• The cultural goal is marital happiness, emotional fulfillment, and personal intimacy.

• The institutionally prescribed means are fidelity, monogamy, and lifelong commitment.

When individuals are unable to achieve emotional or sexual satisfaction within marriage, yet are constrained by social expectations, they may resort to alternative means—such as extra-marital affairs—to fulfill unmet needs.

Modes of adaptation relevant here:

• Innovation: Seeking love or intimacy outside the marriage, while still desiring the social benefits of a married status.
• Retreatism: Some may withdraw completely—from both marital commitment and social expectations—leading to self-destructive outcomes like suicide.
• Rebellion: A smaller section challenges the traditional concept of marriage itself, advocating for open relationships or non-monogamy—though still stigmatized in Indian society.

Merton’s theory helps explain not just individual deviance, but how structural contradictions—like the mismatch between emotional needs and societal rigidity—can lead to tragic outcomes.

3. Symbolic Interactionism: Shame, Identity, and Social Stigma

Infidelity carries immense symbolic weight in Indian society, often tied to honor, family reputation, and gendered expectations. The discovery of an affair is not just a personal betrayal but a social identity crisis:

• Individuals internalize shame and fear being labeled immoral or dishonorable.
• Particularly in rural and semi-urban areas, rumor, surveillance, and public judgment can create unbearable psychological burdens.
• Victims may experience labeling, leading to self-fulfilling prophecies—alienation, depression, and social withdrawal.

The Goffmanian lens of “spoiled identity” explains how perceived moral deviance alters one’s public and private self, sometimes irreparably.

4. Conflict Theory: Patriarchy and Moral Policing

Marriage in India is still deeply tied to property, lineage, and patriarchy. The consequences of infidelity are not gender-neutral:

• Women who engage in extramarital relationships face harsher backlash, slut-shaming, and even violence.
• Men, while judged, often escape the moral policing or may even be forgiven due to “biological drives”—an idea sustained by patriarchal norms.
• The moral code of fidelity becomes a tool of control, particularly over women’s sexuality.
• Cases like the Tamil Nadu honor killing (2018) and Maharashtra’s Khap-style interventions show how caste, class, and patriarchy intertwine in moral surveillance.

Contemporary Challenges and Cultural Contradictions

• Urbanization and Social Media: Platforms like Instagram and Facebook create both opportunities for emotional connections and vulnerabilities to temptation.
• Migration and Nuclear Families: The weakening of extended family surveillance in urban settings contributes to both greater freedom and increased loneliness.
• Legal Gaps: While adultery was decriminalized in Joseph Shine v. Union of India (2018), there remains no framework for counseling or support for affected families.
• Mental Health Stigma: Despite efforts by institutions like NIMHANS and Tele-MANAS, mental health access remains poor, especially in family disputes

Policy and Social Recommendations

• Marriage Counseling: Community-based marriage counseling centers, as part of district mental health programs.
• Gender Sensitization: Introduce family education modules in school and college curricula promoting mutual respect, autonomy, and emotional literacy.
• Media Guidelines: Develop ethical media reporting norms for cases involving family tragedies, to avoid sensationalism and victim-blaming.
• Judicial Reforms: Encourage courts to recommend reconciliation or therapy instead of moral commentary in divorce and domestic abuse cases.
• Role of Civil Society: NGOs and SHGs can intervene early by identifying signs of domestic conflict and offering neutral mediation.

Conclusion: 

The tragic outcomes of extra-marital affairs aren’t merely stories of moral failure—they’re reflections of deep sociological contradictions. As India stands at the crossroads of tradition and modernity, we must re-examine our moral frameworks, not with judgment, but with compassion.

Our institutions—are it family, law, or education—must adapt to recognize emotional complexities, ensure mental health support, and challenge patriarchal double standards. Sociology doesn’t just analyze these tragedies—it equips us to understand and prevent them through policy, empathy, and reform.

Previous Year Questions 

Paper I –

• Analyze the contemporary trends in marriage and family with reference to the concept of individualization. (2023)

• Discuss the changing nature of kinship in contemporary Indian society. (2022)

• Discuss how urbanization has impacted the structure and dynamics of family in India. (2021)

• Is the institution of marriage losing its relevance in contemporary society? Discuss with suitable examples. (2020)

• How does symbolic interactionism help us understand personal relationships in a postmodern society? (2019)

• How does functionalism explain the persistence of traditional institutions like marriage and kinship in modern societies? (2018)

• Explain the sociological significance of R.K. Merton’s modes of individual adaptation with suitable examples. (2017)

• Examine the concept of anomie. How does it help in understanding deviant behavior in society? (2016)

• Analyze the role of patriarchy in the institution of family and marriage. (2015)

Paper II –

• Examine the sociological dimensions of increasing mental health issues in urban India. (2024)

• Critically examine the impact of patriarchy on the lives of women in contemporary Indian families. (2022)

• Analyze the trends of marriage in India with reference to inter-caste and inter-religious marriages. (2021)

• What are the challenges faced by women in urban middle-class families in India? Discuss with examples. (2020)

• Discuss how social change has impacted the norms governing sexual relationships and marital fidelity in India. (2019)

• Explain how media and technology are influencing contemporary kinship and marital relations in India. (2018)

• How does modernization affect the traditional norms of marriage and kinship in rural India? (2016)

• Discuss the factors contributing to the disintegration of the joint family system in India. (2015)